My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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