lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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