she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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