this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
