you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
