I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
