So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
