i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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