i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A+ Viking dick
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize