Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
