fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
