Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
