Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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