the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
