I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
