you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
