genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
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You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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