omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
