is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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