Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
