Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
