I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
