piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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