So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
