I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
