Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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