I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
