is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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