the condom got lost in my hair
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
