I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
