I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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