he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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