got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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