My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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