I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
