So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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