he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
