Non-Jews are for practice
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
