I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
