i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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