There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
