You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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