You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
