If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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