WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize