after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
accomplished twins. life is a go
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
