Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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