Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No subtext here. People are naked.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize