it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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