The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
