The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
