Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
