The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
