I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
