Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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