He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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