look no pants
honey bunches of taint.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
