You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
