my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
