There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I want is dick and wine.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
