They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
