My nipple is on Facebook.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
