He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
