Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
