I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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