Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
