bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
