but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
