She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize