Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
