my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
