is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
