That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
