He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
