Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish my penis had a tongue
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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