no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
