Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
