My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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