Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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