Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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