just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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