he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
