We're like a lot better than the average bears
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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