either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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