You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Mom said you looked used
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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